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  • WHEN TO GET MARRIED

     Matthew Shokunbi updated 5 months, 2 weeks ago 4 Members · 5 Posts
  • Iwayemi Olanorin

    Member
    September 11, 2020 at 17:42

    Hi Friends, according to this scripture:

    Genesis 2:24 KJV: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”.

    1. When should this cleaving be for a young man and woman, and are there any body chemistry that signals to the individuals to get married?

    2. For men and women old enough(35yr+) to get married, what is your view why they are not married yet or don’tstay married?

  • Bukie Shokunbi

    Member
    September 12, 2020 at 17:03

    A young man/lady must be spiritually balanced before thinking of going into marriage,maturity(age)is not enough in smooth running of a home or relationship.Each one must have deep personal relationship with God and must have been consistent in his/her growth in faith.The love you share is not enough but your love for God and the willingness to do His will come what may is what makes relationship/marriage work cos there will be a time you don’t feel the love the way it started,the word of God and your absolute obedience will resuscitate the love again.

    2)know what you want in a man/lady and this shouldn’t be only physical attractions cos it may not be same again over a period of time,be firm with your choice/decisions,don’t compromise or cut corners let him/her know that is your stand and if okay by him/her you can them proceed *these must be biblical principles.

    3)Be focus in your relationship/marriage don’t look at people,don’t copy,asin ‘copy and paste’😁your relationship/marriage is unique let God lead you,He is the only one that lead a right.

    4)share your vision with your spouse and set goals on how to achieve it..pray pray and pray together.with God as your lead it will work.

    #myonecent.

    • Matthew Shokunbi

      Member
      September 12, 2020 at 20:03

      This is more than one cent Ma’am. This is definitely from a deep experience…. The last counsel goes a long way…..pray, pray, and pray together…

  • Ifeanyi Kalu

    Member
    September 14, 2020 at 17:49

    In response to the questions you raised from Gen. 2:24, about when should the cleaving be done by a man to his wife and why men and women old enough (35 yrs. and above) are not yet married or don’t stay married, I would like to refer to a few verses before verse 24, particularly from verse 7 downwards.

    1. We see that the man was first formed (vs 7) and brought into a prepared garden (vs 15) to work it and take care of it (NIV). This is the first pre-requisite every man must fulfil before they can talk about marriage. Failure to do so (by ignoring this pre-requisite course) and jumping into marriage could result in them jumping out in months or years afterwards.
    Only God can form or make a man. A man must be first made spiritually, emotionally, (psychologically), career-wise/business-wise, financially, etc., before considering marriage. Marriage is not for the immature! That’s why even that Gen. 2: 24 says a man (not a boy or youth) shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. If a man has not be formed (developed) to the point of being able to leave (cut-off from depending on his parents), he can’t cleave to his wife. If he tries it, he will only be forming a loose bond between himself and the wife. Why? Because, he is still attached to (still dependent on) his family. He has to be matured enough and reasonably self-sufficient (independent of his parents) to be able to take care of his wife and cleave solidly to her.

    Same also could be said about the woman. Note that in verse (vs 21-22), the woman was also formed first before she was brought to (connected with) her husband.

    Just to further clarify, when I talk about being formed or made, I am not referring to you having it all to the peak in your spiritual life, emotions, career/biz, finance, etc., but at least you have laid a good foundation and you are now ready to build and drive yourself in all these areas of your life without someone needing to drive you. You are not still struggling in these areas or still trying to find your feet. You have at least started growing spiritual and can pull someone along, also started your career/biz journey, emotionally stable, and started generating some finance (no matter how small).

    Now note carefully that vs 15 says, God Himself took the man and brought him into the garden to work it and take care of it. This buttresses my earlier point on being formed and made, showing how God had orchestrated the life of this man after forming him into his assignment and purpose for his life. God must have orchestrated a man into what He wants him to pursue with his life before a wife will come. Otherwise, if the wife comes in, when the man is yet to discover himself and his purpose for living, they will just be living life just for living and pursing vain things. Hence sooner or later, they could break apart when they come to realize themselves. This is also one of the reasons some don’t stay married.

    To conclude this first point, both the man and the wife must be formed/made/prepared before considering marriage if they want to lay a solid foundation for their marriage to last. It should be noted that this time of making/forming may be delayed or extended by our inactions and actions as we journey through youthfulness. Some people are slow learners or don’t corporate and flow with God as they should, and so like the Israelites, a journey of 40 days may sadly take 40 yrs. because of mistakes here and there (or not responding to God’s leading) that could have been averted.

    2. To follow up on the first point, It should be noted that this time of making/forming varies from person to person – with no fault of theirs! Timing of God too must be taking into cognizance because He is the one who created us and wrote down how our journey of life will be. The timing of our marital settlements differs. For some, God might have just destined that they would marry at 38 yrs. or 40 yrs. or even 60 yrs…that’s God’s timing for them – no fault of theirs! They could have it all or are already made or matured but God, who is Master architect and director of our lives determines our times and seasons (Eccl. 3:11).

    Notice that from (vs 18-22), it took considerable time for God to finally bring the right woman to the man. I sometimes wonder why would God have to make the animals first and bring them to Adam, when He ultimately knows that none of them will be a suitable helper for him, unless He takes out of one of his ribs and make a woman for him? For me, the long and short of it is that God is a God of process and timing. He knew why He had to go through that long route with Adam. I sense so that by the time He brings the right woman, he can easily recognize her and know for certainty that she is the one – which is what actually happened. Who knows if Adam had not had series of encounters with the animals, he might not have been able to discern her so easily if God had brought her up to him immediately? Thus, with some of us too, God could take us through this long route and process. Some of the people we had encountered in the past where like animals, and God purposely allowed us to encounter them so when the time is right for us, we would easily recognize who is meant for us and cleave to her.
    Like I said earlier, this timing and process varies from individuals to individuals depending on God’s dealings on our lives that is perfectly in line with His will and timing for us. Some examples of so to speak marital relationships that were seemingly delayed or took reasonable time before they were enacted could be found in the bible. Isaac married Rebekah at 40yrs, Boaz married Ruth (obviously both got married at an advanced age following their accounts as recorded in the book of Ruth), and Esther marrying a King (who was obviously an advanced man).

    Other factors may also cause a delay in marital settlement, like ignorance (of spiritual issues that need to be dealt with or other forms of ignorance), wrong association, chasing and pushing ones career/biz that you lose sight of God’s call to settle down and would just be turning down every woman/man God brings your way, and many more issues.

    For a general conclusion, from these two points shared so far, we could see why some men and women at 35 yrs. and over have not yet cleave to their spouses and why those married do not stay married. Prov. 11:3 says if the foundation be faulty, what can the righteous (Even the Righteous) do! That’s to tell us how not laying the right foundation for marriage can either prevent one from getting into it (starting the building) or even affects the building (if it was built on the faulty foundation).

    Jesus would say if any man must build a house, he must first count the cost, lest after he had started the building, having happily laid the foundation, he is not able to finish it. All that will behold the building will begin to mock him saying he is not able to finish what he started (Luke 14:28-30). Prov. 24:27 (AMPC) would tell us: “Put first things first. Prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field; and afterward build your house and establish a home”.
    Trust the Lord to help everyone yet to be married lay a proper and solid foundation as quick as they can, and also enable them cleave to their spouse at His own timing for them, and afterwards build a successful marriage that will last in Jesus name!

    • Matthew Shokunbi

      Member
      September 16, 2020 at 07:14

      This is well detailed, biblical and informative. Thanks for sharing this. God bless you Sir.

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